Survivor Drivel

Bob A. is a tyrant

2008-11-21T11:00:00.000-08:00

RandyBobA went on a rampage last night with alcohol and cookies. He was like a drunk, assholish Cookie Monster, only not so lovable or blue. He warned his buddies that he was going to go off on people to try and shake things up. Boy, did he ever. It was like a staff meeting all over again, only there wasn't some dumb math teacher rambling on about how good they are.

For the reward challenge, they had an auction. RandyBob paid around $220 for three beers and some peanuts. This is totally out of character for our metal shop super hero who's favorite formula for buying beer is widely known as: "ALCOHOL, DIVIDED BY PRICE EQUALS HAPPINESS." This formula usually gets louder and slurrier as the night wanes.

AAAAnnnyways, SusieDana bought a hot bath. Thank goodness. She then said that it was too hot and got out. What a waste of money. Boiled melons.
Toward the end of the auction, RandyBob bought a plate of cookies to be shared with the tribe. The moron (social misfit that he is) asks Probst, "I can keep them for myself if I want?" The answer was, No. He proceeded to offer SugarCollette one who promptly refused. Sugar hates RandyBob. RandyBob offered her his very own, last cookie and she took it and gave it to MattyDebi. Oh Man, this infuriated the already furious, genetically furious, RandyBobA.

For Immunity, they had to stack blocks in an obstacle course. KenKatheenR won. BobKathyJ made a fake immunity idol and gave it to RandyBob who played it confidently at Tribal. Needless to say, he was shocked. Good thing he was voted off or the next episode would be very painful to watch. There would be a dead science teacher on a stick for dinner.

Remember, take Survivor to work with you: Don't drink while politicing; Smile because people will think that you have a secret; Tell random people about obvious weather conditions.

Gay Steve sent packing

2008-11-14T09:57:00.000-08:00

It's official, CharlieStephen jinxed himself for good. Since bragging that he has picked a top four in the past four seasons of Survivor, he hasn't come even close in the last two runs. Sorry Steve, your fantasy land domination seems to have run out. But, maybe you could do better with Fantasy Dancing with the Stars. I hear Bob A. watches faithfully.

Last week, the morons voted out none other than yours truly. As Charlie Stephen put it, "Th I don't know who they thould have votethed out but it thertainly thouldn't have been my sexthy MarcusthJohn, th th, th, th." Oh well, now they can be on the jury together. I can see it now, CharlieSteve sitting a little too close to MarcusJohn at Tribal Council, JUST LIKE IN THE STAFF ROOM. Personally, I find him a bit intimidating so I let him buy me lunch sometimes.

AaAAAANNYway, it went down something like this: The reward challenge looked like a fun game of slingshot golf. The slingshots had to be worked by three people, two on each side and one shooter. They had some golf holes mapped out in the jungle and the lowest score to get in won. BobKathy B, the Science teacher, was the shooter for yellow and bossy MattyDebi G was shooter for red. Yellow took an early lead with a short shot from gamer KenKathleen. The little twig of a couch potato made a pretty good shot. In the end though, it came down to a six inch shot that DebiMatty and RandyBobA. argued fiercely over. Even after they won, RandyBobA couldn't get his anger back in check. He was stomping around and swearing JUST LIKE IN METALS CLASS.

For Immunity, they had to build a fire and burn through a rope. Low and behold, SusieDana was able to get the first fire going and won immunity. Figures that a Sped teacher would be good at burning crap.

They went to Tribal and voted: Four for CrystalShannonS and five for CharlieSteve. SugarCollette turned on him. KenKathleen the ruthless b** set the whore thing up.

On a side note, CrystalShannonS claims that she is an Olympic Medalist. HOLY CRAP she is WEAK! She has dropped out or brought the team down in every single physical thing she has been in. She'd better keep it a secret because the entire tribe will laugh uncontrollably if she ever mentions that she was an Athlete. Better get your butt back in the weight room sister.

Remember, take Survivor to work with you: Don't whore your free time out for money; don't eat unidentifiable stuff from the staff room; and never, I mean NEVER, "piggyback" or "dovetail" off of anything I have said.

Premier

2008-09-25T20:25:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: this is meant for fun and I only agree with about half of what I write. You figure out which half.

It started out, a bunch of hairless apes trudging through lush, green fields of Africa waiting to get eaten by Hippos. They met Jeffrey (Probst, not the ToysRus giraffe), chose tribes, then set out on the first challenge. The first tribe, Koda made it through a race and earned an extra bag of rice. The second tribe, Fang came in second.

Kenkathleen is a GEEK! He admitted that he hasn't kissed a real girl in five years. Being a computer 'gamer' though, I suppose he's kissed several cyber girls. What a stud.

CharlieStephen is totally attracted to MarcusJohn. Can you blame him? John is a hotttieeee. However, I'm not sure that Stheven could get any more gay, not that there's anything wrong with that. But, holy cow, I would guess that even other gay guys are embarrassed. The dude listhps the worst of any gay Survivor yet.

AceKaraH. is probably pretty cool. I have to say that he might be a good pick: focused, likable, strong, stho sexthy.

RandyBobA cut his head, of course. Stupid shop teachers are over paid and either burn themselves or cut themselves to get attention.

First Immunity challenge: a race through swamp tied together, over nets, to a site where puzzle pieces are buried. Fang gets there first but can't find any bags of pieces. Koda finds all three before other the tribe finds their first. Koda wins Immunity and fire. BobKathyB is a stud! That old fart is totally dominating. Forget running cheerleaders around, she's fixing huts, putting puzzles together, and running the show. She's like a white YauMan. Plus, he's a physics teacher which means there's been no money so he had to learn to do everything himself.

HA! DannyTerry would like to be called G Cissle or G.C. for short. Hey, Terry, how about, Dingus instead? G. Sizzle, my butt.

Since Fang lost the challenge, GillianCorrina, ancient nurse of Babylon, was on the chopping block. Also, MichelleBonnieG is up for an early exit. Apparently, Bonnie is a Negative Nancy. She doesn't like anyone. I kind of figured. At Tribal, she attacked everyone on the tribe, JUST like at work.

G.C.TerryM stepped up and was voted as first leader. Everyone,,, choral response: DEATH SENTENCE. In the past, the first leader, though usually self-appointed, gets the axe early on. Plus, what kind of dumbassed name is G.Sizzle!?

Oh Man, MichelleBonnie is voted out FIRST. Woa. The 'alliance' is broken right off. Bonnie G, or, in true Terry fashion, G.Bone, I think that Sthephen losth histh mo jo when he bragged about histh record prior to the last Survivor flight. Sorry, Kid.

Bonus: two hour special.

Of course, we start off with CharlieSthephen lisping about how cute and sthexthy MucousJohn isth th th th th th.

Then, a whole bunch of strategy garbage. Fang (pronounced like Thong but with an F. Also sounds like 'Thong' which causes a nanosecond delay in my processing everytime it is said), does nothing but argue. G.C.Terry tried to quit but nobody wanted the job of leader.

Reward challenge: Both teams show up to find two.......big.........balls. Nothing says good T.V. like two big balls. They had to roll the balls through a course. First one to get to the finish gets fishing gear and a spear. Koda wins again.

DanBrandan gets sent to Exile island. Serves him right. The guy needs time to think about stuff and things and why stuff happens but nothing matters as much as..........wait for it..............:clean..........white.......balls. He can't find the idol, probably because, being a lawyer, he lacks common sense and can't read very well.

GillianCorrina is voted out during the second hour because she's old and weak.

Remember, take Survivor to work with you: Don't eat what you can't idenify. Open your mind to blanket statements at staff meetings. And, whatever you do, don't bring up gum chewing.

Draft results

2008-09-20T07:23:00.000-07:00

In true public education tradition, 40% of the people made 100% of the decisions and drafted players for all. If you don't like your pick, you can pay $7 and nothing will change. If you are ok with your pick, you can pay $5 and have a chance to win big bucks. The draft went as follows:

Ace = Kara H

Charlie = Steve H

Crystal = Shannon S

Danny = Terry M

Bob = Kathy B

Corinne = Tracy G

Dan = Brandon S

Gillian = Corina G

Jacquie = Patti B

Kelly = Mandi M

Marcus = John B

Michelle = Bonnie

Randy = Bob A

Jessica (Sugar) = Collette P

Ken = Kathleen

Matty = Debi G

Paloma = Pamela L

Susie = Dana L

The rest would be easier to read if you have a printout of 'the cast'.

In my ten years in "THE SYSTEM" I have found that anyone who comes with their own nickname, oh, let's say, like, uh, ACE for instance, is probably a complete pain in the ass and needing constant attention. Good luck Kara. On a brighter note, I expect to spend quite a bit of time ogling Tracy G's boobs. CorineTracy is Screamin' hot. No wonder they cast her. It will be interesting to see what Jessica aka Collette aka Sugar's major malfunction is. Her bio actually alluded to adult film star. In her pic, she's looking over her shoulder trying to look like Marilyn Monroe, psssyyyyyyyychooooo. Patti is also supernova hot. JacquiePatti, aka Moodlegirl, looks like she could sell sand to an Iraqi. We'll see, Moodlegirl. Bobby A. is a self-proclaimed prick. Shocker. John B. as usual, looks like a Greek god. Debi G aka Matty is probably gay but doesn't know it yet. Pam aka Paloma is perfect because the spelling of her name looks right whether I'm drunk or sober. Mandi is a Spinner (if you don't know don't ask). DannyTerry LOOKS like he belongs out at 'The Rock'. CorinaGillian is old and probably knows a few things about manipulation. ShannonCrystal will be tough in all non swimming challenges. BrandonDan looks like a dingus. SteveCharlie is outwardly gay, not that there's anything wrong with that. SusieDana is a well-preserved Latina, probably tough as year old tortilla. BonnieMichelle was chosen for Bonnie by GaySteve so she's probably gay because he seems to have a natural homodevice, I mean homing device. Good luck. Pay up.

Survivor Gabon

2008-09-15T14:49:00.000-07:00

Holy, crap. Get out your Survivor buffs and your magic lawn torch and get ready for a new season, Baby. There are some seriously beautiful people on this one. Did you see the pics?! I'm hoping that I won't have that problem with those pesky blurry spots on my tv this year. I want to see every pixel of aaaaaction and every lovely, sensuous pixel of brea.............king dawn. Yeah, that's it.

Get your butts on the web and pick a player. Hewitt has dibs on the gay one, as always.

Yep, it's official

2008-05-09T07:10:00.000-07:00

Rant:
As most of you have known for years and many have suspected and my students are figuring out, I'm a certified IDIOT. What moron gives up the Immunity Necklace to a pack of snarly, snaggle toothed women? He didn't even get a lap dance. Good thing his penis is permanently attached or he'd have given that too. MOron. Obviously, ErikJohn has never seen the bumper sticker that reads: "I don't trust anything that can bleed for three days and still live."

Re-Rant:
Holy crap! I am not happy with this decision. ErikJohn said it best when he asked why he had to give up the necklace when the majority of the votes could have been decided amongst three of them. I thought he had it all figured out at that point. Maybe it's all that Peter Frampton hair weighing on his brain. Maybe it's because an "ice cream scooper" (whatever the #&*#$ that is) should never rise to power. Maybe it's because he's a white male under the age of 99. I don't know.

Commentary:
It was the ErikJohn show last night. He dominated in the reward challenge and solved a puzzle relay way ahead of anyone else. He took the lovely AmandaPatti with him to a spa treatment. NatalieDave K. was pissed, though I think It spends most of Its time pissed. Erik was supposed to take it with him but chose Amanda instead. The less airtime they give NatalieDave the better. It says the dumbest lines in history. Every time It opens Its mouth, out comes another batch of verbal flatulence, "floss my teeth with their jugular." What kind of crap is that?! NatalieDave is like the Hannibal Lector of Survivor.

Poetry (assonance):
Seven days ago, ol' JamesJerome had to go home. He had an infection in his finger joint, near the bone. Down he tried to tone but the infection had grown.

Info:
AlexisTerry went home too. Now it's down to NatalieDave, AmandaPatti (mad at me for picking
Amanda again), CirieCorina, ParvartiKathleen.

Sending hymn:
Remember, take Survivor to work with you: If you find that you are the only male in a pack of women, keep your pecker tucked, your necklace on your neck, and your mouth shut.

"curse of the idol" my butt

2008-04-29T07:33:00.000-07:00

So, last week, OzzyBonnie has the idol and doesn't play it because she is good in the water but not much else. This week, JasonStephen gets the idol and doesn't play it because he's STUPID. Yes, STUPID. The network is billing it as "The Curse of the Idol." Has a nice ring to it but, like most things Survivory, it is contrived and sponsored by Ford. These idiots don't get voted off because of a 'curse.' They get voted off because they are a bigger threat and too GREEDY to play the idol. I wonder how much it would fetch on ebay.

For reward, they had a Survivor auction. ErikJohn bought a covered dish that turned out to be a hotdog and fries. The girls all bought a chocolate cake and had on minute to eat it. It looked like a Jenny Craig version of mud wrestling.

For immunity they had to break tiles and assemble a puzzle. ErikJohn, the ice cream scooper, won. Turns out it's his birthday too.
For once, the girls have figured out that they have the power to take control of the game. They plan on going all girls to the end. I am ok with this. ParvartiKathleen has made everyone mad so if she makes it through an episode, I predict she will go to final two. JamesJerome had a great idea but AmandaPatti wouldn't go for it. He wanted her and himself to vote Parvarti and then tell Jason who would have played the idol thereby giving most votes to Parvarti. He still should have gone to Jason and it would have worked. Dummy. But, nooooo, he runs around talking about, "eating the apple. Folks always got to eat dat apple." He should have been talking about idols and votes instead of running around throwing out metaphors like some kind of grave digging possessed English teacher.

JasonSteve is out. HA! Your reign of fantasy land dominance is over. And, what do you know, it ended as soon as you started bragging about how well you've done. Murphy just smacked you down, Boy!

Remember, take Survivor to work with you: Pick da apple. EAT da apple. And throw the core at your enemy.

Dumbest Survivor ever

2008-04-18T07:54:00.000-07:00

Last night was a decent episode. Plus, I was conscious for the WHOLE thing. Can you believe that?! After they got rid of boogedy eyed ElizaBrandon, things are looking up. BTW, its a sad thing when a person's eye sockets are bigger than their cup size.

For reward, they did a schoolyard pick for teams, swam under, over, around, through, between, and other adjectives to a puzzle. They had to memorize the puzzle, swim back and recreate it. JasonSteve chose OzzyBonnie, of course. From then on, it was decided. So, for reward, they got to all go to an airconditioned library with a beautiful view and watch an ultra boring powerpoint. NO, WAIT, that was my "reward". For their reward, JasonSteve, OzzyBonnie, ErikJohn, and super hot, leopard print bikini KathleenPerverti all went to a little vilage and got stoned. As usual, EricJohn overdid it and puked outside the hut. When they got back and told the others, OzzyBonnie sounded a little too cocky and some got irritated.

For Immunity, they had to stand on the end of a log and hold their hand up in the air that was attached to a dumping bucket. I'm sure ospi will adopt this policy in the near future. The literature should read something like, "All students, regardless of ability, will raise their hands and at least look like they have a clue. Should they not be able to raise their hand, we will hire a person and pay them thirty thousand dollars a year to raise their hand for them." Speaking of NCLB, I am starting a campaign: OPLB (one president left behind).

AAAnnyyway, along the way, Probst offered several goodies for people to quit. Moron EricJohn gave up for a half a bowl of gummy worms. Toward the end, it was down to PervertiKathleen and JasonSteve. Probst offered up a platter of goodies to be shared by the tribe. JasonSteve, got everyone's word that they wouldn't vote him and then quit so they could get the food. What...a...dumbass. The only thing less valuable than the word of a Survivor contestant is the word of a used car salesman. I thought for sure he'd sealed his fate. JamesJerome stated, "I tot I wuz da dumbest Survivor ever. Huh, huh." I don't understand why they didn't tell PervertiKathleen to quit. It was never even mentioned.

Back at camp, they all planned on voting out JamesSteven, or so they thought. The tides turned and OzzyBonnie felt confident not to use the idol. She was voted out. I told her at the draft that Ozzy would have a big target on him and not make the final four because no one wants to go up against him. Survivor is not Darwinian; the fittest don't survive. It's more Parasitic; the weak ride along with their strong hosts until it's time to feed on them one last time. (In case you didn't notice, this is a FREKIN gem of knowledge you just read).

Hasta luego OzzyBonnie. Better luck next time.

Remember, take Survivor to work with you: Obviously, I do.

Update/catch up

2008-04-11T07:37:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I made time to sit around and bash my colleages and super big, ultra clear, flat screen with no glare box of all that is good in the world (t.v.). So, it goes a little like this:

In episode 5, dumbass JoelKara decided to take control of the game early thereby securing a ride home. What a moron. Even I can hold my tongue longer than that. It doesn't take a female to see that far into the future, Joel. Go home and lick your biceps, ya big dumb galute. However, it was fun to see ChetPam getting tossed around the obstacle course like an orca playing with a dead seal. SO, you get no points for brains but some for style.

In episode 6, sissy cheerleader coach JonathanKathyB got evacuated for medical reasons. He had an infection in his leg. C'mon people. This is for MONEY. I dare say that if you lost a leg at work, the State wouldn't give you a million bucks. Geez. Where do these people get their priorities?! ChetPam gets voted FINALLY. So the game loses two players in one episode. They also miss a golden opportunity to get rid of OzzyBonnie.

Episode 7 also saw two people leave. I'll bet the producers were looking for stand ins and body doubles by this point. I'm sure they were wondering how they would sell Chevys with no people watching. I'm sure Chevy is wondering how they will sell Chevys too. Oh, never mind. Chevy has gone GREEN, which means that as they fall apart going down the road, we can recycle the pieces. Annywaaay, KathleenMarcusEverharm is a WHIMP. That big sissy quit and wanted to go home. He was like, "Man, this is a lot of work. It's not like teaching p.e. where I just throw a ball out and that is my whole lesson plan. Here, I have to think and stuff."
At tribal, TracyBobA gets voted out. Usually, I am ok with Bob leaving but, after seeing TracyBob in a bikini, I was kind of hoping she'd stay. I am still hopefull for a playmates vs. pornstar survivor on Cinemax.

In episode 8, it was looking like yours truly, ErikJohn the ice cream scooper was going home. And, really, who needs money more than an ice cream scooper? Although, with my super insightful programming ideas for Cinemax, I suppose I have a future there.
In this episode, the claws really came out. ErikJohn figured he had nothing to lose so he told everything about everyone he knew. Later on, ColetteAmi came up to him and said, "Thank you for telling everything. It really strengthened my position with the others." NOT. She's a gonner. The tribe has spoken and all that crap.

Last night, they put the remaining monkeys together. They had a big feast and called the game off for the day and everyone was happy and little lobsters danced in the surf and the birds sang on the shoulders of the contestants. KathleenParvarti and AmandaPatti frolicked in the water where Parvarti filled her in on all her lies and such. AmandaPatti was not happy. She was like, "This is not what I want at all. Are ALL Junior High teachers are stupid, or what?!"

For Immunity, they had to stay in cages while the tide came in and slowly drowned them. JasonSteve outlasted even the fish, OzzyBonnie who was not happy at all. With that, JasonSteve gave his fake immunity idol that Ozzy planted, to ElizaBrandon. Eliza looked at it in disgust and said, "It's a stick."
JasonSteve, with stars in his eyes said, "I know. It's the idol."
"NO, it's not."
Nodding frantically but slowing with the realization, JasonSteve lamented, "It's not?"

At tribal, ElizaBrandon played it anyway. Probst went into the rules of the idol and all and then stated that it was not the idol and tossed into the propane firepit. With that, ElizaBrandon went home.

Ozzfest

2008-02-29T12:31:00.000-08:00

Stupid Ozzybonnie did it again. She dominated in the water retrieving coconuts then gets sent to Exile Island where she finds the immunity idol. The Oz had this to say, "I'm a wiz when in the wata which is why I win. Hee Hee. Now shut up while I hand out these tissues."

For reward which Ozonnie dominated in, they had to retrieve coconuts, put them in a basket, swim the basket to shore and make a word out of them. HOLY CRAP, the fans sucked (n0t the good kind either). They were awful. They were like eighth graders trying to slow dance: stiff legged and more side to side than forward. Oh, and get this. The favs get all ten coconuts back and set them out with the letters showing that are supposed to make one word. Big 'ol Jamesjerome says, "Cood it be 'triumphant?"' I don't know if the guy was channeling Pat Sajak or what but it was amazing! Faves win.

For Immunity, they had to unshackle themselves but still be connected by long rods that had a pivot point and maneuver their way through a course. Faves win again. Erikjohn the ice cream scooper couldn't undo his lock and cost them a lot of time. What a moron. Probably doesn't know how to work a chair either: too many moving parts.

Fans had another chance to get rid of Chetpam- the -lame and didn't. When it came down to it, Joelkara is too neurotic to keep Mikeymandi around. SO, the moron orchestrated her demise. Mandimikey goes home.

Remember, take Survivor to work with you: Buy a Bluetooth so that people won't know you talk to yourself. Wear the same outfit for a whole week and see if anyone notices. Repeat the last word anyone says to you as a question and see how long the conversation lasts.

Thanks Kathleen

2008-02-25T10:18:00.000-08:00

Subject: Survivor for educators
Next Season on Survivor
Have you heard about the next planned "Survivor" show?Three businessmen and three businesswomen will be dropped in an elementary school classroom for 1 school year. Each business person will be provided with a copy of his/her school district's curriculum, and a class of 28 - 32 students. Each class will have a minimum of five learning-disabled children, three with A.D.D., one gifted child, and two who speak limited English. Three students will be labeled with severe behavior problems.

Each business person must complete lesson plans at least 3 days in advance, with annotations for curriculum objectives and modify, organize, or create their materials accordingly. They will be required to teach students, handle misconduct, implement technology, document attendance, write referrals, correct homework, make bulletin boards, compute grades, complete report cards, document benchmarks, communicate with parents, and arrange parent conferences.

They must also stand in their doorway between class changes to monitor the hallways. In addition, they will complete fire drills, tornado drills, and [Code Red] drills for shooting attacks each month. They must attend workshops, faculty meetings,and attend curriculum development meetings. They must also tutor students who are behind and strive to get their 2 non-English speaking children proficient enough t o take the Terra Nova, Diagnostics and FCAT tests.

If they are sick or having a bad day they must not let it show. Each day they must incorporate reading, writing, math, science, and social studies into the program. They must maintain discipline and provide an educationally stimulating environment to motivate students at all times. If all students do not wish to cooperate, work, or learn, the teacher will be held responsible.

The business people will only have access to the public golf course on the weekends, but with their new salary, they may not be able to afford it. There will be no access to vendors who want to take them out to lunch, and lunch will be limited to thirty minutes, which is not counted as part of their work day. The business people will be permitted to use a student restroom, as long as another survival candidate can supervise their class. If the copier is operable, they may make copies of necessary materials before, or after, school. However, they cannot surpass their monthly limit of copies. The business people must continually advance their education, at their expense, and on their own time.

The winner of this Season of Survivor will be allowed to return to their job. Pass this to your friends who think teaching is easy, and to the ones who know it's hard!

Update 3

2008-02-22T14:38:00.000-08:00

Just a bunch of sorry monkeys this week. People sitting around getting wetter and wetter (not the good kind). That moron Joelkaren looked like a hairless Shar pei http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/sharpei.htm . Sitting in the canoe all pruned up and sad like someone peed in his Cheerios.

For reward, they played the equivalent of a football game where there were only six balls and a team had to get five into its own endzone. This was pretty brutal with a lot of contact. Big ol' Jamesjerome and Joelkara kind of dominated. In the end, the Favorites won.

For immunity, they had to hold their own coconut sack while the opposite team threw in more coconuts until the sack got so heavy that one team let go. I, myself, have had this problem and know the burdens of a huge coconut sack. It doesn't matter how sturdy the rope is one uses, it's a tough job hauling and holding up a sack if such weight. Fans won.

At Tribal, Ciriecorrina and Jonathankathy b got into it. The tribe is obviously divided and now the couples have the numbers. Ciriecorrina is an idiot. She didn't go with the other alliance because she didn't feel that she was a part of it. HELLOOO Cirie, you aren't in a relationship either that we are seeing on camera. The votes came out and YaumanShannon s. goes home.

Remember, take Survivor to work with you: Keep in mind that 'narrowing the achievement gap' means retarding the growth of the normal kids. Graphs show that free and reduced lunch makes kids dumber. And, when you're done in the bathroom, don't forget to spray that air freshener so that the bathroom smells like orange poo.

Episode 2

2008-02-15T13:20:00.000-08:00

Not too exciting this time.
You'll have to excuse the blandness of the following; all of my creative "genious" was sucked out of me at our lid day. It used to be that a "lid" was a good thing. Life has a cruel sense of irony.

Tracybob, Chetpam, and Kathymark are on the outside of a 7-3 alliance. They appear to be screwed. In true whiney Kathymarky fashion, Kathymark remarked, "It's just like high school all over again. We're all seperated and no one likes me. And I have unexplained feelings for the same gender. PLUS, now I'm ugly AND old."

Ozzybonnie and Amandapatti are going at it like a couple of rabbits! They'll never keep up with Pervertikathleen and her horse, however. BTW, Perverti has a pretty sexy tramp stamp.

Both teams are really roughing it. They have to like dive down like ten feet to come up with muscles to eat the size of their heads. I mean, really, what could be worse than straight protein when that's what they need the most. The Favorites probably lost the last challenge (besides it being written into the script) because they were too full and lethargic.

For Immunity/reward this time, they had to run across some lilly pad blocks on water, climb a tower, jump off and break a tile which released a key, dive down and get it, then swim back with it. Of course, Ozbonnie was fast and freakishly "Waterworld" good and obtained an early lead. Then it got to Chetpam. SUCKY. Not the good kind of sucky either. Pathetically, Chetpam jumped in the water looking for the key then wouldn't go down for it. Go figure, not enough practice? I think not. Chetpam lost the reward for the fan tribe. Moron.

After the reward, both teams had to choose someone to go to Exile island: Ciriecorina and Kathymarky had to go. The two of them teamed up and went back and forth like four times finding clues and whatnot. However, they never found the idol. Joelkara has some serious issues with Mikeymandi. She did not like her orchestrating who's out. So, Joelkara stepped up and totally put a target on her tattood, Conan butt and got Mikeymandi's girlfriend, Marytracy, voted out. CRAP!
CRAP! again. I was liking the way Marytracy filled up my screen. I can think of three good reasons why she shouldn't be voted out and at least one of them is real.

Remeber, take Survivor to work with you: Only tell people what they want to hear because that's all they want to hear anyway. Do not hand co-workers dollars for showing skin. And, for the love of all that's sacred, DON'T WASH MY COFFEE CUP.

Episode 1

2008-02-08T07:09:00.000-08:00

Again, no claims for accuracy, spelling, or political correctness have been made. It's like Junior High in print.

Holy crap! I wish I was stuck on a beutiful island surrounded by crystal clear water, lush sand, and numerous implants still in their fertile hosts. But noooo, I'm surrounded by thirteen year olds who still think it's funny to cough in class and see which one can cough the loudest while simultaneously saying the word 'penis.' The saddest thing is, is I actually thought it was kind of funny too! Sick!

Annnnyways, the fan tribe was put on the beach first, all on one mat, like good little fannies. They then brought out the favorites. THEN they brought out twenty more...no...wait...that's Lost where they get Lost with too many story lines.

JonnyFairplayLisa E. stated proudly, "I think I'm the best player to ever play the game." Well, of course, just ask and we always get the truth from this idiot. Lisa's like, "Oh, I know I'm great and I am POSITIVE I'm smarter than my husband."

Erik (John B.)'s title is officially 'ice cream scooper.' Lisa's probably smarter than him too seeing as how he's a stinking kitchen utensil.

Tracy is HOT. Not the math teacher Tracy, butt his lover, Bob A. As a sidenote, I figured out yesterday what's wrong with Bob. You see, in Kindergarten his nametag read 'Robert A." But, Bobby didn't know how to use capitals. So when he had to write his own, it came out 'roberta.' That's why he had to move from Eburg. Regardless, Tracybob is screaming hot and I can't wait for blurry season.

Of course, Pam picked Chet who is gay. Kathymark e outed him right off. In true p.e. teacher fashion, she was like, "You're gay aren't you."
Pam was like, "Sctho, yesth. It'sth O.K. I'm not sthensthitive."

Parvartikathleen picked a winner. Right off, she offers Jamesjerome a piggyback ride. Those who know me know I can't stand the term 'piggyback' but last night the thought of piggybacking wasn't so repulsive. Parvartikathleen is a little too flirty, however. She was spooning with Jamesjerome and kissing on-the-first-night. Jamesjerome stated, "Oh man, I be liken that little sex kitten. She OooooKaaaay."

For Immunity, they had to assemble four wheels that had been cut into puzzle pieces, put them on a cart, push the cart over a bridge while shuffling planks, disassemble the wheels, re assemble the wheels to make a turnstile, then raise a flaming bucket (not Chetpam) and catch something on fire (not Jamesjerome).

There was a mad race to find the immunity idol. Fiarplay found the first but it was wrong so Kathymark got it. Yaushannon ended up with the other.

The fans took an early lead and never let it go. Fans win.

Faves start scheming to get rid of Parvartikathleen and I was not happy. Then, Fairplaylisa started whining about wanting to go home. Thank you producers for writing him out.

At tribal, they all voted for him and he is gone. Thanks for donating Lisa.

Remember, take Survivor to work with you: Channel your energy into creating an all female Survivor to be aired on Skin...I mean..Sin...I mean...Cinemax

conspiracy at the mexican restaurant

2008-02-06T15:20:00.001-08:00

We all met, well, half of us met at the restaurant. First, we decided to give Mark his wish of a "hot chick" so we assigned him a chew-your-arm off hottie by the name of Kathleen. DUDE. No one ever said we were fair. Get this, his wife, Lisa got Jonny Fairplay. What a moron that character is.

Also, who ever said he was a favorite... Oh I forgot, the producers probably say some Hollywood crap like, "he gives good footage." Or some hooey like that.

Speaking of Kathleens, she chose Parvarti. I can say this with all honesty now, "I can't wait to see Kathleen in a bathing suit. " Speaking of mancrushes, Bob A chose Tracy. I am ninety percent sure he did this so I would have to sandwich his name with his object of affection math teacher with the same name. Oooh, I knew there was a bromance going on but I didn't know the depth till this draft.

Bonnie chose Ozzy because she has stated many times, "I LIKE the way that boy moves. Hee Hee."

If there is a Survivor god, they won't pick off the chicks with fake boobs first.

disclaimer

2008-02-06T15:16:00.000-08:00

This blog sight is meant for fun. I am hardly ever right about anything nor am I very serious about anything so if you are easily offended, I'm probably not your friend and you are definately on the wrong site. That said, let's get to picking on people.

players

2008-02-06T15:08:00.000-08:00

Colette is Ami
Kathleen is Parvarti
Mandi is Mikey B (must be a dork)
John B is Erik
Shannon is Yauman
Bob A is Tracy (man crush, mantasy, bromance, gaydar trigger)
Bonnie is Ozzy
Dave Kelley is Natalie
Tracy is Mary
Mark E. is Kathleen
Lisa E. is Jonny Fairplay
Kathy B. is Jonathan
Kara is Joel
Steve H. is Jason
Jerome is James
Brandon is Eliza
Corrina Giddeon is Cirie
Pam is Chet
Patti is Amanda
Terry Muscutt is Alexis