So, last week, OzzyBonnie has the idol and doesn't play it because she is good in the water but not much else. This week, JasonStephen gets the idol and doesn't play it because he's STUPID. Yes, STUPID. The network is billing it as "The Curse of the Idol." Has a nice ring to it but, like most things Survivory, it is contrived and sponsored by Ford. These idiots don't get voted off because of a 'curse.' They get voted off because they are a bigger threat and too GREEDY to play the idol. I wonder how much it would fetch on ebay.
For reward, they had a Survivor auction. ErikJohn bought a covered dish that turned out to be a hotdog and fries. The girls all bought a chocolate cake and had on minute to eat it. It looked like a Jenny Craig version of mud wrestling.
For immunity they had to break tiles and assemble a puzzle. ErikJohn, the ice cream scooper, won. Turns out it's his birthday too.
For once, the girls have figured out that they have the power to take control of the game. They plan on going all girls to the end. I am ok with this. ParvartiKathleen has made everyone mad so if she makes it through an episode, I predict she will go to final two. JamesJerome had a great idea but AmandaPatti wouldn't go for it. He wanted her and himself to vote Parvarti and then tell Jason who would have played the idol thereby giving most votes to Parvarti. He still should have gone to Jason and it would have worked. Dummy. But, nooooo, he runs around talking about, "eating the apple. Folks always got to eat dat apple." He should have been talking about idols and votes instead of running around throwing out metaphors like some kind of grave digging possessed English teacher.
JasonSteve is out. HA! Your reign of fantasy land dominance is over. And, what do you know, it ended as soon as you started bragging about how well you've done. Murphy just smacked you down, Boy!
Remember, take Survivor to work with you: Pick da apple. EAT da apple. And throw the core at your enemy.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
Dumbest Survivor ever
Last night was a decent episode. Plus, I was conscious for the WHOLE thing. Can you believe that?! After they got rid of boogedy eyed ElizaBrandon, things are looking up. BTW, its a sad thing when a person's eye sockets are bigger than their cup size.
For reward, they did a schoolyard pick for teams, swam under, over, around, through, between, and other adjectives to a puzzle. They had to memorize the puzzle, swim back and recreate it. JasonSteve chose OzzyBonnie, of course. From then on, it was decided. So, for reward, they got to all go to an airconditioned library with a beautiful view and watch an ultra boring powerpoint. NO, WAIT, that was my "reward". For their reward, JasonSteve, OzzyBonnie, ErikJohn, and super hot, leopard print bikini KathleenPerverti all went to a little vilage and got stoned. As usual, EricJohn overdid it and puked outside the hut. When they got back and told the others, OzzyBonnie sounded a little too cocky and some got irritated.
For Immunity, they had to stand on the end of a log and hold their hand up in the air that was attached to a dumping bucket. I'm sure ospi will adopt this policy in the near future. The literature should read something like, "All students, regardless of ability, will raise their hands and at least look like they have a clue. Should they not be able to raise their hand, we will hire a person and pay them thirty thousand dollars a year to raise their hand for them." Speaking of NCLB, I am starting a campaign: OPLB (one president left behind).
AAAnnyyway, along the way, Probst offered several goodies for people to quit. Moron EricJohn gave up for a half a bowl of gummy worms. Toward the end, it was down to PervertiKathleen and JasonSteve. Probst offered up a platter of goodies to be shared by the tribe. JasonSteve, got everyone's word that they wouldn't vote him and then quit so they could get the food. What...a...dumbass. The only thing less valuable than the word of a Survivor contestant is the word of a used car salesman. I thought for sure he'd sealed his fate. JamesJerome stated, "I tot I wuz da dumbest Survivor ever. Huh, huh." I don't understand why they didn't tell PervertiKathleen to quit. It was never even mentioned.
Back at camp, they all planned on voting out JamesSteven, or so they thought. The tides turned and OzzyBonnie felt confident not to use the idol. She was voted out. I told her at the draft that Ozzy would have a big target on him and not make the final four because no one wants to go up against him. Survivor is not Darwinian; the fittest don't survive. It's more Parasitic; the weak ride along with their strong hosts until it's time to feed on them one last time. (In case you didn't notice, this is a FREKIN gem of knowledge you just read).
Hasta luego OzzyBonnie. Better luck next time.
Remember, take Survivor to work with you: Obviously, I do.
For reward, they did a schoolyard pick for teams, swam under, over, around, through, between, and other adjectives to a puzzle. They had to memorize the puzzle, swim back and recreate it. JasonSteve chose OzzyBonnie, of course. From then on, it was decided. So, for reward, they got to all go to an airconditioned library with a beautiful view and watch an ultra boring powerpoint. NO, WAIT, that was my "reward". For their reward, JasonSteve, OzzyBonnie, ErikJohn, and super hot, leopard print bikini KathleenPerverti all went to a little vilage and got stoned. As usual, EricJohn overdid it and puked outside the hut. When they got back and told the others, OzzyBonnie sounded a little too cocky and some got irritated.
For Immunity, they had to stand on the end of a log and hold their hand up in the air that was attached to a dumping bucket. I'm sure ospi will adopt this policy in the near future. The literature should read something like, "All students, regardless of ability, will raise their hands and at least look like they have a clue. Should they not be able to raise their hand, we will hire a person and pay them thirty thousand dollars a year to raise their hand for them." Speaking of NCLB, I am starting a campaign: OPLB (one president left behind).
AAAnnyyway, along the way, Probst offered several goodies for people to quit. Moron EricJohn gave up for a half a bowl of gummy worms. Toward the end, it was down to PervertiKathleen and JasonSteve. Probst offered up a platter of goodies to be shared by the tribe. JasonSteve, got everyone's word that they wouldn't vote him and then quit so they could get the food. What...a...dumbass. The only thing less valuable than the word of a Survivor contestant is the word of a used car salesman. I thought for sure he'd sealed his fate. JamesJerome stated, "I tot I wuz da dumbest Survivor ever. Huh, huh." I don't understand why they didn't tell PervertiKathleen to quit. It was never even mentioned.
Back at camp, they all planned on voting out JamesSteven, or so they thought. The tides turned and OzzyBonnie felt confident not to use the idol. She was voted out. I told her at the draft that Ozzy would have a big target on him and not make the final four because no one wants to go up against him. Survivor is not Darwinian; the fittest don't survive. It's more Parasitic; the weak ride along with their strong hosts until it's time to feed on them one last time. (In case you didn't notice, this is a FREKIN gem of knowledge you just read).
Hasta luego OzzyBonnie. Better luck next time.
Remember, take Survivor to work with you: Obviously, I do.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Update/catch up
It's been awhile since I made time to sit around and bash my colleages and super big, ultra clear, flat screen with no glare box of all that is good in the world (t.v.). So, it goes a little like this:
In episode 5, dumbass JoelKara decided to take control of the game early thereby securing a ride home. What a moron. Even I can hold my tongue longer than that. It doesn't take a female to see that far into the future, Joel. Go home and lick your biceps, ya big dumb galute. However, it was fun to see ChetPam getting tossed around the obstacle course like an orca playing with a dead seal. SO, you get no points for brains but some for style.
In episode 6, sissy cheerleader coach JonathanKathyB got evacuated for medical reasons. He had an infection in his leg. C'mon people. This is for MONEY. I dare say that if you lost a leg at work, the State wouldn't give you a million bucks. Geez. Where do these people get their priorities?! ChetPam gets voted FINALLY. So the game loses two players in one episode. They also miss a golden opportunity to get rid of OzzyBonnie.
Episode 7 also saw two people leave. I'll bet the producers were looking for stand ins and body doubles by this point. I'm sure they were wondering how they would sell Chevys with no people watching. I'm sure Chevy is wondering how they will sell Chevys too. Oh, never mind. Chevy has gone GREEN, which means that as they fall apart going down the road, we can recycle the pieces. Annywaaay, KathleenMarcusEverharm is a WHIMP. That big sissy quit and wanted to go home. He was like, "Man, this is a lot of work. It's not like teaching p.e. where I just throw a ball out and that is my whole lesson plan. Here, I have to think and stuff."
At tribal, TracyBobA gets voted out. Usually, I am ok with Bob leaving but, after seeing TracyBob in a bikini, I was kind of hoping she'd stay. I am still hopefull for a playmates vs. pornstar survivor on Cinemax.
In episode 8, it was looking like yours truly, ErikJohn the ice cream scooper was going home. And, really, who needs money more than an ice cream scooper? Although, with my super insightful programming ideas for Cinemax, I suppose I have a future there.
In this episode, the claws really came out. ErikJohn figured he had nothing to lose so he told everything about everyone he knew. Later on, ColetteAmi came up to him and said, "Thank you for telling everything. It really strengthened my position with the others." NOT. She's a gonner. The tribe has spoken and all that crap.
Last night, they put the remaining monkeys together. They had a big feast and called the game off for the day and everyone was happy and little lobsters danced in the surf and the birds sang on the shoulders of the contestants. KathleenParvarti and AmandaPatti frolicked in the water where Parvarti filled her in on all her lies and such. AmandaPatti was not happy. She was like, "This is not what I want at all. Are ALL Junior High teachers are stupid, or what?!"
For Immunity, they had to stay in cages while the tide came in and slowly drowned them. JasonSteve outlasted even the fish, OzzyBonnie who was not happy at all. With that, JasonSteve gave his fake immunity idol that Ozzy planted, to ElizaBrandon. Eliza looked at it in disgust and said, "It's a stick."
JasonSteve, with stars in his eyes said, "I know. It's the idol."
"NO, it's not."
Nodding frantically but slowing with the realization, JasonSteve lamented, "It's not?"
At tribal, ElizaBrandon played it anyway. Probst went into the rules of the idol and all and then stated that it was not the idol and tossed into the propane firepit. With that, ElizaBrandon went home.
In episode 5, dumbass JoelKara decided to take control of the game early thereby securing a ride home. What a moron. Even I can hold my tongue longer than that. It doesn't take a female to see that far into the future, Joel. Go home and lick your biceps, ya big dumb galute. However, it was fun to see ChetPam getting tossed around the obstacle course like an orca playing with a dead seal. SO, you get no points for brains but some for style.
In episode 6, sissy cheerleader coach JonathanKathyB got evacuated for medical reasons. He had an infection in his leg. C'mon people. This is for MONEY. I dare say that if you lost a leg at work, the State wouldn't give you a million bucks. Geez. Where do these people get their priorities?! ChetPam gets voted FINALLY. So the game loses two players in one episode. They also miss a golden opportunity to get rid of OzzyBonnie.
Episode 7 also saw two people leave. I'll bet the producers were looking for stand ins and body doubles by this point. I'm sure they were wondering how they would sell Chevys with no people watching. I'm sure Chevy is wondering how they will sell Chevys too. Oh, never mind. Chevy has gone GREEN, which means that as they fall apart going down the road, we can recycle the pieces. Annywaaay, KathleenMarcusEverharm is a WHIMP. That big sissy quit and wanted to go home. He was like, "Man, this is a lot of work. It's not like teaching p.e. where I just throw a ball out and that is my whole lesson plan. Here, I have to think and stuff."
At tribal, TracyBobA gets voted out. Usually, I am ok with Bob leaving but, after seeing TracyBob in a bikini, I was kind of hoping she'd stay. I am still hopefull for a playmates vs. pornstar survivor on Cinemax.
In episode 8, it was looking like yours truly, ErikJohn the ice cream scooper was going home. And, really, who needs money more than an ice cream scooper? Although, with my super insightful programming ideas for Cinemax, I suppose I have a future there.
In this episode, the claws really came out. ErikJohn figured he had nothing to lose so he told everything about everyone he knew. Later on, ColetteAmi came up to him and said, "Thank you for telling everything. It really strengthened my position with the others." NOT. She's a gonner. The tribe has spoken and all that crap.
Last night, they put the remaining monkeys together. They had a big feast and called the game off for the day and everyone was happy and little lobsters danced in the surf and the birds sang on the shoulders of the contestants. KathleenParvarti and AmandaPatti frolicked in the water where Parvarti filled her in on all her lies and such. AmandaPatti was not happy. She was like, "This is not what I want at all. Are ALL Junior High teachers are stupid, or what?!"
For Immunity, they had to stay in cages while the tide came in and slowly drowned them. JasonSteve outlasted even the fish, OzzyBonnie who was not happy at all. With that, JasonSteve gave his fake immunity idol that Ozzy planted, to ElizaBrandon. Eliza looked at it in disgust and said, "It's a stick."
JasonSteve, with stars in his eyes said, "I know. It's the idol."
"NO, it's not."
Nodding frantically but slowing with the realization, JasonSteve lamented, "It's not?"
At tribal, ElizaBrandon played it anyway. Probst went into the rules of the idol and all and then stated that it was not the idol and tossed into the propane firepit. With that, ElizaBrandon went home.
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