Stupid Ozzybonnie did it again. She dominated in the water retrieving coconuts then gets sent to Exile Island where she finds the immunity idol. The Oz had this to say, "I'm a wiz when in the wata which is why I win. Hee Hee. Now shut up while I hand out these tissues."
For reward which Ozonnie dominated in, they had to retrieve coconuts, put them in a basket, swim the basket to shore and make a word out of them. HOLY CRAP, the fans sucked (n0t the good kind either). They were awful. They were like eighth graders trying to slow dance: stiff legged and more side to side than forward. Oh, and get this. The favs get all ten coconuts back and set them out with the letters showing that are supposed to make one word. Big 'ol Jamesjerome says, "Cood it be 'triumphant?"' I don't know if the guy was channeling Pat Sajak or what but it was amazing! Faves win.
For Immunity, they had to unshackle themselves but still be connected by long rods that had a pivot point and maneuver their way through a course. Faves win again. Erikjohn the ice cream scooper couldn't undo his lock and cost them a lot of time. What a moron. Probably doesn't know how to work a chair either: too many moving parts.
Fans had another chance to get rid of Chetpam- the -lame and didn't. When it came down to it, Joelkara is too neurotic to keep Mikeymandi around. SO, the moron orchestrated her demise. Mandimikey goes home.
Remember, take Survivor to work with you: Buy a Bluetooth so that people won't know you talk to yourself. Wear the same outfit for a whole week and see if anyone notices. Repeat the last word anyone says to you as a question and see how long the conversation lasts.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
Thanks Kathleen
Subject: Survivor for educators
Next Season on Survivor
Have you heard about the next planned "Survivor" show?Three businessmen and three businesswomen will be dropped in an elementary school classroom for 1 school year. Each business person will be provided with a copy of his/her school district's curriculum, and a class of 28 - 32 students. Each class will have a minimum of five learning-disabled children, three with A.D.D., one gifted child, and two who speak limited English. Three students will be labeled with severe behavior problems.
Each business person must complete lesson plans at least 3 days in advance, with annotations for curriculum objectives and modify, organize, or create their materials accordingly. They will be required to teach students, handle misconduct, implement technology, document attendance, write referrals, correct homework, make bulletin boards, compute grades, complete report cards, document benchmarks, communicate with parents, and arrange parent conferences.
They must also stand in their doorway between class changes to monitor the hallways. In addition, they will complete fire drills, tornado drills, and [Code Red] drills for shooting attacks each month. They must attend workshops, faculty meetings,and attend curriculum development meetings. They must also tutor students who are behind and strive to get their 2 non-English speaking children proficient enough t o take the Terra Nova, Diagnostics and FCAT tests.
If they are sick or having a bad day they must not let it show. Each day they must incorporate reading, writing, math, science, and social studies into the program. They must maintain discipline and provide an educationally stimulating environment to motivate students at all times. If all students do not wish to cooperate, work, or learn, the teacher will be held responsible.
The business people will only have access to the public golf course on the weekends, but with their new salary, they may not be able to afford it. There will be no access to vendors who want to take them out to lunch, and lunch will be limited to thirty minutes, which is not counted as part of their work day. The business people will be permitted to use a student restroom, as long as another survival candidate can supervise their class. If the copier is operable, they may make copies of necessary materials before, or after, school. However, they cannot surpass their monthly limit of copies. The business people must continually advance their education, at their expense, and on their own time.
The winner of this Season of Survivor will be allowed to return to their job. Pass this to your friends who think teaching is easy, and to the ones who know it's hard!
Next Season on Survivor
Have you heard about the next planned "Survivor" show?Three businessmen and three businesswomen will be dropped in an elementary school classroom for 1 school year. Each business person will be provided with a copy of his/her school district's curriculum, and a class of 28 - 32 students. Each class will have a minimum of five learning-disabled children, three with A.D.D., one gifted child, and two who speak limited English. Three students will be labeled with severe behavior problems.
Each business person must complete lesson plans at least 3 days in advance, with annotations for curriculum objectives and modify, organize, or create their materials accordingly. They will be required to teach students, handle misconduct, implement technology, document attendance, write referrals, correct homework, make bulletin boards, compute grades, complete report cards, document benchmarks, communicate with parents, and arrange parent conferences.
They must also stand in their doorway between class changes to monitor the hallways. In addition, they will complete fire drills, tornado drills, and [Code Red] drills for shooting attacks each month. They must attend workshops, faculty meetings,and attend curriculum development meetings. They must also tutor students who are behind and strive to get their 2 non-English speaking children proficient enough t o take the Terra Nova, Diagnostics and FCAT tests.
If they are sick or having a bad day they must not let it show. Each day they must incorporate reading, writing, math, science, and social studies into the program. They must maintain discipline and provide an educationally stimulating environment to motivate students at all times. If all students do not wish to cooperate, work, or learn, the teacher will be held responsible.
The business people will only have access to the public golf course on the weekends, but with their new salary, they may not be able to afford it. There will be no access to vendors who want to take them out to lunch, and lunch will be limited to thirty minutes, which is not counted as part of their work day. The business people will be permitted to use a student restroom, as long as another survival candidate can supervise their class. If the copier is operable, they may make copies of necessary materials before, or after, school. However, they cannot surpass their monthly limit of copies. The business people must continually advance their education, at their expense, and on their own time.
The winner of this Season of Survivor will be allowed to return to their job. Pass this to your friends who think teaching is easy, and to the ones who know it's hard!
Friday, February 22, 2008
Update 3
Just a bunch of sorry monkeys this week. People sitting around getting wetter and wetter (not the good kind). That moron Joelkaren looked like a hairless Shar pei http://www.dogbreedinfo.com/sharpei.htm . Sitting in the canoe all pruned up and sad like someone peed in his Cheerios.
For reward, they played the equivalent of a football game where there were only six balls and a team had to get five into its own endzone. This was pretty brutal with a lot of contact. Big ol' Jamesjerome and Joelkara kind of dominated. In the end, the Favorites won.
For immunity, they had to hold their own coconut sack while the opposite team threw in more coconuts until the sack got so heavy that one team let go. I, myself, have had this problem and know the burdens of a huge coconut sack. It doesn't matter how sturdy the rope is one uses, it's a tough job hauling and holding up a sack if such weight. Fans won.
At Tribal, Ciriecorrina and Jonathankathy b got into it. The tribe is obviously divided and now the couples have the numbers. Ciriecorrina is an idiot. She didn't go with the other alliance because she didn't feel that she was a part of it. HELLOOO Cirie, you aren't in a relationship either that we are seeing on camera. The votes came out and YaumanShannon s. goes home.
Remember, take Survivor to work with you: Keep in mind that 'narrowing the achievement gap' means retarding the growth of the normal kids. Graphs show that free and reduced lunch makes kids dumber. And, when you're done in the bathroom, don't forget to spray that air freshener so that the bathroom smells like orange poo.
For reward, they played the equivalent of a football game where there were only six balls and a team had to get five into its own endzone. This was pretty brutal with a lot of contact. Big ol' Jamesjerome and Joelkara kind of dominated. In the end, the Favorites won.
For immunity, they had to hold their own coconut sack while the opposite team threw in more coconuts until the sack got so heavy that one team let go. I, myself, have had this problem and know the burdens of a huge coconut sack. It doesn't matter how sturdy the rope is one uses, it's a tough job hauling and holding up a sack if such weight. Fans won.
At Tribal, Ciriecorrina and Jonathankathy b got into it. The tribe is obviously divided and now the couples have the numbers. Ciriecorrina is an idiot. She didn't go with the other alliance because she didn't feel that she was a part of it. HELLOOO Cirie, you aren't in a relationship either that we are seeing on camera. The votes came out and YaumanShannon s. goes home.
Remember, take Survivor to work with you: Keep in mind that 'narrowing the achievement gap' means retarding the growth of the normal kids. Graphs show that free and reduced lunch makes kids dumber. And, when you're done in the bathroom, don't forget to spray that air freshener so that the bathroom smells like orange poo.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Episode 2
Not too exciting this time.
You'll have to excuse the blandness of the following; all of my creative "genious" was sucked out of me at our lid day. It used to be that a "lid" was a good thing. Life has a cruel sense of irony.
Tracybob, Chetpam, and Kathymark are on the outside of a 7-3 alliance. They appear to be screwed. In true whiney Kathymarky fashion, Kathymark remarked, "It's just like high school all over again. We're all seperated and no one likes me. And I have unexplained feelings for the same gender. PLUS, now I'm ugly AND old."
Ozzybonnie and Amandapatti are going at it like a couple of rabbits! They'll never keep up with Pervertikathleen and her horse, however. BTW, Perverti has a pretty sexy tramp stamp.
Both teams are really roughing it. They have to like dive down like ten feet to come up with muscles to eat the size of their heads. I mean, really, what could be worse than straight protein when that's what they need the most. The Favorites probably lost the last challenge (besides it being written into the script) because they were too full and lethargic.
For Immunity/reward this time, they had to run across some lilly pad blocks on water, climb a tower, jump off and break a tile which released a key, dive down and get it, then swim back with it. Of course, Ozbonnie was fast and freakishly "Waterworld" good and obtained an early lead. Then it got to Chetpam. SUCKY. Not the good kind of sucky either. Pathetically, Chetpam jumped in the water looking for the key then wouldn't go down for it. Go figure, not enough practice? I think not. Chetpam lost the reward for the fan tribe. Moron.
After the reward, both teams had to choose someone to go to Exile island: Ciriecorina and Kathymarky had to go. The two of them teamed up and went back and forth like four times finding clues and whatnot. However, they never found the idol. Joelkara has some serious issues with Mikeymandi. She did not like her orchestrating who's out. So, Joelkara stepped up and totally put a target on her tattood, Conan butt and got Mikeymandi's girlfriend, Marytracy, voted out. CRAP!
CRAP! again. I was liking the way Marytracy filled up my screen. I can think of three good reasons why she shouldn't be voted out and at least one of them is real.
Remeber, take Survivor to work with you: Only tell people what they want to hear because that's all they want to hear anyway. Do not hand co-workers dollars for showing skin. And, for the love of all that's sacred, DON'T WASH MY COFFEE CUP.
You'll have to excuse the blandness of the following; all of my creative "genious" was sucked out of me at our lid day. It used to be that a "lid" was a good thing. Life has a cruel sense of irony.
Tracybob, Chetpam, and Kathymark are on the outside of a 7-3 alliance. They appear to be screwed. In true whiney Kathymarky fashion, Kathymark remarked, "It's just like high school all over again. We're all seperated and no one likes me. And I have unexplained feelings for the same gender. PLUS, now I'm ugly AND old."
Ozzybonnie and Amandapatti are going at it like a couple of rabbits! They'll never keep up with Pervertikathleen and her horse, however. BTW, Perverti has a pretty sexy tramp stamp.
Both teams are really roughing it. They have to like dive down like ten feet to come up with muscles to eat the size of their heads. I mean, really, what could be worse than straight protein when that's what they need the most. The Favorites probably lost the last challenge (besides it being written into the script) because they were too full and lethargic.
For Immunity/reward this time, they had to run across some lilly pad blocks on water, climb a tower, jump off and break a tile which released a key, dive down and get it, then swim back with it. Of course, Ozbonnie was fast and freakishly "Waterworld" good and obtained an early lead. Then it got to Chetpam. SUCKY. Not the good kind of sucky either. Pathetically, Chetpam jumped in the water looking for the key then wouldn't go down for it. Go figure, not enough practice? I think not. Chetpam lost the reward for the fan tribe. Moron.
After the reward, both teams had to choose someone to go to Exile island: Ciriecorina and Kathymarky had to go. The two of them teamed up and went back and forth like four times finding clues and whatnot. However, they never found the idol. Joelkara has some serious issues with Mikeymandi. She did not like her orchestrating who's out. So, Joelkara stepped up and totally put a target on her tattood, Conan butt and got Mikeymandi's girlfriend, Marytracy, voted out. CRAP!
CRAP! again. I was liking the way Marytracy filled up my screen. I can think of three good reasons why she shouldn't be voted out and at least one of them is real.
Remeber, take Survivor to work with you: Only tell people what they want to hear because that's all they want to hear anyway. Do not hand co-workers dollars for showing skin. And, for the love of all that's sacred, DON'T WASH MY COFFEE CUP.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Episode 1
Again, no claims for accuracy, spelling, or political correctness have been made. It's like Junior High in print.
Holy crap! I wish I was stuck on a beutiful island surrounded by crystal clear water, lush sand, and numerous implants still in their fertile hosts. But noooo, I'm surrounded by thirteen year olds who still think it's funny to cough in class and see which one can cough the loudest while simultaneously saying the word 'penis.' The saddest thing is, is I actually thought it was kind of funny too! Sick!
Annnnyways, the fan tribe was put on the beach first, all on one mat, like good little fannies. They then brought out the favorites. THEN they brought out twenty more...no...wait...that's Lost where they get Lost with too many story lines.
JonnyFairplayLisa E. stated proudly, "I think I'm the best player to ever play the game." Well, of course, just ask and we always get the truth from this idiot. Lisa's like, "Oh, I know I'm great and I am POSITIVE I'm smarter than my husband."
Erik (John B.)'s title is officially 'ice cream scooper.' Lisa's probably smarter than him too seeing as how he's a stinking kitchen utensil.
Tracy is HOT. Not the math teacher Tracy, butt his lover, Bob A. As a sidenote, I figured out yesterday what's wrong with Bob. You see, in Kindergarten his nametag read 'Robert A." But, Bobby didn't know how to use capitals. So when he had to write his own, it came out 'roberta.' That's why he had to move from Eburg. Regardless, Tracybob is screaming hot and I can't wait for blurry season.
Of course, Pam picked Chet who is gay. Kathymark e outed him right off. In true p.e. teacher fashion, she was like, "You're gay aren't you."
Pam was like, "Sctho, yesth. It'sth O.K. I'm not sthensthitive."
Parvartikathleen picked a winner. Right off, she offers Jamesjerome a piggyback ride. Those who know me know I can't stand the term 'piggyback' but last night the thought of piggybacking wasn't so repulsive. Parvartikathleen is a little too flirty, however. She was spooning with Jamesjerome and kissing on-the-first-night. Jamesjerome stated, "Oh man, I be liken that little sex kitten. She OooooKaaaay."
For Immunity, they had to assemble four wheels that had been cut into puzzle pieces, put them on a cart, push the cart over a bridge while shuffling planks, disassemble the wheels, re assemble the wheels to make a turnstile, then raise a flaming bucket (not Chetpam) and catch something on fire (not Jamesjerome).
There was a mad race to find the immunity idol. Fiarplay found the first but it was wrong so Kathymark got it. Yaushannon ended up with the other.
The fans took an early lead and never let it go. Fans win.
Faves start scheming to get rid of Parvartikathleen and I was not happy. Then, Fairplaylisa started whining about wanting to go home. Thank you producers for writing him out.
At tribal, they all voted for him and he is gone. Thanks for donating Lisa.
Remember, take Survivor to work with you: Channel your energy into creating an all female Survivor to be aired on Skin...I mean..Sin...I mean...Cinemax
Holy crap! I wish I was stuck on a beutiful island surrounded by crystal clear water, lush sand, and numerous implants still in their fertile hosts. But noooo, I'm surrounded by thirteen year olds who still think it's funny to cough in class and see which one can cough the loudest while simultaneously saying the word 'penis.' The saddest thing is, is I actually thought it was kind of funny too! Sick!
Annnnyways, the fan tribe was put on the beach first, all on one mat, like good little fannies. They then brought out the favorites. THEN they brought out twenty more...no...wait...that's Lost where they get Lost with too many story lines.
JonnyFairplayLisa E. stated proudly, "I think I'm the best player to ever play the game." Well, of course, just ask and we always get the truth from this idiot. Lisa's like, "Oh, I know I'm great and I am POSITIVE I'm smarter than my husband."
Erik (John B.)'s title is officially 'ice cream scooper.' Lisa's probably smarter than him too seeing as how he's a stinking kitchen utensil.
Tracy is HOT. Not the math teacher Tracy, butt his lover, Bob A. As a sidenote, I figured out yesterday what's wrong with Bob. You see, in Kindergarten his nametag read 'Robert A." But, Bobby didn't know how to use capitals. So when he had to write his own, it came out 'roberta.' That's why he had to move from Eburg. Regardless, Tracybob is screaming hot and I can't wait for blurry season.
Of course, Pam picked Chet who is gay. Kathymark e outed him right off. In true p.e. teacher fashion, she was like, "You're gay aren't you."
Pam was like, "Sctho, yesth. It'sth O.K. I'm not sthensthitive."
Parvartikathleen picked a winner. Right off, she offers Jamesjerome a piggyback ride. Those who know me know I can't stand the term 'piggyback' but last night the thought of piggybacking wasn't so repulsive. Parvartikathleen is a little too flirty, however. She was spooning with Jamesjerome and kissing on-the-first-night. Jamesjerome stated, "Oh man, I be liken that little sex kitten. She OooooKaaaay."
For Immunity, they had to assemble four wheels that had been cut into puzzle pieces, put them on a cart, push the cart over a bridge while shuffling planks, disassemble the wheels, re assemble the wheels to make a turnstile, then raise a flaming bucket (not Chetpam) and catch something on fire (not Jamesjerome).
There was a mad race to find the immunity idol. Fiarplay found the first but it was wrong so Kathymark got it. Yaushannon ended up with the other.
The fans took an early lead and never let it go. Fans win.
Faves start scheming to get rid of Parvartikathleen and I was not happy. Then, Fairplaylisa started whining about wanting to go home. Thank you producers for writing him out.
At tribal, they all voted for him and he is gone. Thanks for donating Lisa.
Remember, take Survivor to work with you: Channel your energy into creating an all female Survivor to be aired on Skin...I mean..Sin...I mean...Cinemax
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
conspiracy at the mexican restaurant
We all met, well, half of us met at the restaurant. First, we decided to give Mark his wish of a "hot chick" so we assigned him a chew-your-arm off hottie by the name of Kathleen. DUDE. No one ever said we were fair. Get this, his wife, Lisa got Jonny Fairplay. What a moron that character is.
Also, who ever said he was a favorite... Oh I forgot, the producers probably say some Hollywood crap like, "he gives good footage." Or some hooey like that.
Speaking of Kathleens, she chose Parvarti. I can say this with all honesty now, "I can't wait to see Kathleen in a bathing suit. " Speaking of mancrushes, Bob A chose Tracy. I am ninety percent sure he did this so I would have to sandwich his name with his object of affection math teacher with the same name. Oooh, I knew there was a bromance going on but I didn't know the depth till this draft.
Bonnie chose Ozzy because she has stated many times, "I LIKE the way that boy moves. Hee Hee."
If there is a Survivor god, they won't pick off the chicks with fake boobs first.
Also, who ever said he was a favorite... Oh I forgot, the producers probably say some Hollywood crap like, "he gives good footage." Or some hooey like that.
Speaking of Kathleens, she chose Parvarti. I can say this with all honesty now, "I can't wait to see Kathleen in a bathing suit. " Speaking of mancrushes, Bob A chose Tracy. I am ninety percent sure he did this so I would have to sandwich his name with his object of affection math teacher with the same name. Oooh, I knew there was a bromance going on but I didn't know the depth till this draft.
Bonnie chose Ozzy because she has stated many times, "I LIKE the way that boy moves. Hee Hee."
If there is a Survivor god, they won't pick off the chicks with fake boobs first.
disclaimer
This blog sight is meant for fun. I am hardly ever right about anything nor am I very serious about anything so if you are easily offended, I'm probably not your friend and you are definately on the wrong site. That said, let's get to picking on people.
players
Colette is Ami
Kathleen is Parvarti
Mandi is Mikey B (must be a dork)
John B is Erik
Shannon is Yauman
Bob A is Tracy (man crush, mantasy, bromance, gaydar trigger)
Bonnie is Ozzy
Dave Kelley is Natalie
Tracy is Mary
Mark E. is Kathleen
Lisa E. is Jonny Fairplay
Kathy B. is Jonathan
Kara is Joel
Steve H. is Jason
Jerome is James
Brandon is Eliza
Corrina Giddeon is Cirie
Pam is Chet
Patti is Amanda
Terry Muscutt is Alexis
Kathleen is Parvarti
Mandi is Mikey B (must be a dork)
John B is Erik
Shannon is Yauman
Bob A is Tracy (man crush, mantasy, bromance, gaydar trigger)
Bonnie is Ozzy
Dave Kelley is Natalie
Tracy is Mary
Mark E. is Kathleen
Lisa E. is Jonny Fairplay
Kathy B. is Jonathan
Kara is Joel
Steve H. is Jason
Jerome is James
Brandon is Eliza
Corrina Giddeon is Cirie
Pam is Chet
Patti is Amanda
Terry Muscutt is Alexis
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